Foodie Obsessed

Anthony Bourdain Rants About the Return of A Cook’s Tour

by Tracey Thompson on January 7th, 2008

Well, it finally happened…we are finally hearing what the “talent” thinks about the return of his show, “A Cook’s Tour” on his arch nemesis The Food Network.  Let’s just say, the poor man was enjoying a Mai Tai lying on a hammock at a beach in Hawaii in between shoots for his new season of No Reservations when he checked his email.

His dear friend Michael Ruhlman broke the news in an email with the Food Network press release and designated for his “immediate attention”.  Wow…what a way to spoil a moment.

Amazingly…well, in all honesty I am not at all surprised…the suits at Food Network had not bothered to contact the Bourdain camp to tell them of their intentions.  Yes, they own the rights to the show and for some odd reason have refused to sell the rights to the “talent”.  It is even amusing to look at the A Cook’s Tour site over on the Food Network.  It is filled with old pictures and a bio that mysteriously makes no mention of what he has been doing since 2001.  They even are even selling his books…at everyday low prices.

So, what does the man, himself think of the Food Network’s new venture….hmmm…surprised?  Paranoid?  What do you think:

I howled out loud in the general direction of the sea. A few small children by the kiddie pool began to cry - frightened perhaps, by my primal outburst. Why - after all these years - would they put my old episodes back on the air? The damn things were filmed in 2000 and 2001!! They have nothing newer, or fresher or better - after all that time - than my first, stumbling, nascent attempts at making travel/food television? They don’t have any material from anyone else - like from someone who doesn’t make constant rude and obscene suggestions about their stable of “stars?” Surely they haven’t reached so far down the bottom of the archives as to want ME back?!
 
This was like being unexpectedly groped and publicly slipped the tongue by the ugliest girl at the prom. You’re flattered by the attention - but frankly … embarrassed. And the timing seemed suspicious. As I ordered two more and then a third Mai Tai, paranoia began to set in.

“They’re not putting the show back on because they like it. They’re trying to destroy me!” I theorized. People will surely comment on the striking - even horrifying - decline in my appearance since those few years ago - and will wonder why they would still watch someone who is clearly dying of some hideous hair whitening, skin puffing, tropical bloating disease. Or maybe they’re putting it back on as a deliberate strategy to break off and confuse a segment of potential audience who might otherwise be tuning in to the exciting new season of NO RESERVATIONS (the vastly superior and more expensive series on TRAVEL CHANNEL)! Maybe … maybe it’s vengeance for some of the Rachael Ray cracks. In fact…MAYBE it’s part of some secret deal to keep her on the network … some ultra hush-hush rider to her contract! I’ve been trying to buy those old shows back for ages - to make DVDs. They’ve refused to sell, sitting on them year after year. Until now. Coincidence? Or conspiracy?

Hey, personally Tony….I think after viewing the pictures from A Cook’s Tour (above) the “hideous hair whitening, skin puffing, tropical disease” wears well on you.

Read more of the trials of Anthony Bourdain with his Notes from the Road and don’t miss the NEW episodes of No Reservations beginning tonight, January 7, at 10pm EST on The Travel Channel.  If you really must, A Cook’s Tour will be airing on The Food Network Tuesdays at 10:30pm EST.

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POSTED IN: Anthony Bourdain, TV, The Food Network